My puppy is running around all crazy-like with a 5 lb. dumbbell in her mouth. I don’t even know how she can do that. But these donuts are amazing.
The Metrics →
Check it out kiddies and cats - a super fun! blog to read and I contribute to it thanks to Kevin. Woo hoo! Seriously, follow it.
Porn! In Claymation!
So, my perverted friends and family members believe claymation porn is the way to go with my “dream.” Also, my mother noted that geriatric porn would probably make a lot of money. Her reasoning, you ask? She explained that Peter Lawford said Nancy Reagan gave the best blow job in Hollywood back in the day … yeah, I’m following that tangent, Mom, but thanks for the creepy...
My tiny story got posted ... awesome possum.
62words: Carefully, she grabbed the bottle. Leaning forward, dipping her nose, she straightened her spine and quickly unscrewed the lid. She rolled the small plastic over in her fingers and she shook the bottle, rhythmically, possibly counting the drops that fell. He watched her, quietly, counting seconds. Distracting, her hair fell down her back. It shook, and he reached out to touch it.
Warning: Crazy Angry Snob Ahead
Am I a horrible literary snob for ‘unfollowing’ a few creative writing/prompt blogs because they excessively posted fantasy bedroom wall color ideas and a picture of the cover of Baldwin’s Notes on a Native Son, proclaiming “I think this is a collection of memoir pieces” and that his first story was “AMAZING,” leading me to believe said blog owner has...
A very dirty project.
I have a feeling my mother will read this, so Mom I apologize now for what you are about to read, but it shouldn’t shock you. I mean, Grandma said ‘dildo’ that one time. Remember that? Anyway, I have spent the better part of my day thinking up/semi-writing a porn spoof of Field of Dreams, retitled as Field of Semen. It’s a working title. And, no, since you will ask: I have...
Vince told me today I exude a serious demeanor. I sent him this text earlier: What kind of bees make milk? BOOBIES. So, yes, I think I am very serious.
You can't remove yourself when you write about...
I wasn’t going to post a piece called Split in Two that I’ve been working on that began 6 months ago. It’s personal, it’s still in weak stages as far as coming full circle and keeping those plates spinning, but now I feel like I have to in order to address this little piece of advice I encountered on my dash. Funny how that works. Now, I am not knocking the girl who runs...
Split in Two
I have this nonfiction writing guide, a sort-of-bible I acquired in college that I keep on the top shelf of my bookcase. It is in perfect view from my bed, a place where I do a good portion of my writing, and a place where I can be easily reminded by my prophets that guidance is but a mere four feet away. It is also an excellent spectacle to gaze upon while hanging upside down whenever I’m caught...
I believe I am a curmudgeon in that I am a self-opinionated nut case and/or a blunt object used to bludgeon adversaries. Don’t agree? Look it up here.
Emily Levine’s Theory of Everything on TED I’d love to be known as a trickster when I grow up.
Note to self: Play less Hitler/Salem Witch Trial cards when engaging in Facebook debates regarding religion, prejudice, war, and Toby Keith. —- Addendum to self-notation: Engage in less Facebook debates.
From Under the Deck and On Top of the Roof (an...
Sometimes I feel like I am much too old. I’ve heard it all – your cute little puns, your cursing. I’ve seen it all, too, what with your fashionable leggings that make me look much too fat and your ramblings about war in the Middle East intermittently laced with Bob Dylan lyrics. You drink tea while talking about tea. You smoke weed twelve times a day and then blow up your blog about it. You pose...
Radioactive spider bit me? My parents were...
Since I am really great at procrastinating I come up with these lists when I choose to be a lazy worker bee. In case the title was a tad too subtle, I have compiled a list of superpowers that I possess and that I feel most superheroes probably envy. 1. I can tell you any airport code in the United States. And not because I have a handy-dandy book (which I do), but because after almost 4 years of...
Chris Cornell is just so good at screaming. Had to throw it out there.
Who needs a Band-Aid when you've got a loving...
Me: Wow, I broke the skin on that one.
My mother: I hope you get a fungal infection and die.
ermaler-deactivated20130208 asked: Your blog is awesome. Just pure, unadulterated awesome.
I sit back and listen as she rambles on about her...
In response to this prompt from yeahwriters. —- Twat did you say? I cunt hear you. A broken record; a quip; a greeting – she bursts through the door and marches her way into the back office, snapping her neck in my direction and casting a deranged smile or cockeyed stare, mouthing those delicate words before careening through the doorway and sitting on my mother’s lap. My sister has a thing...
How To Steal Like An Artist (And 9 Other Things... →
Fun Times with Codie
What’s almost as fun as getting severly drunk and watching Telemundo? Honestly, not much. But a close second would have to be reading the article comments on any Popeater forum. Oh, the misspellings. And, no, this isn’t the only entertainment in Iowa for miles around. At least, I don’t think so. I could be wrong.
jamiedrew-deactivated20121129 asked: Well, how else do you go rafting and glassblowing when all your friends have children and have thus become boring and lame?
Brian Frazer, The No-Baby Boom →
jamiedrew: “But for the child-free, the benefits go beyond dollars and cents. There’s less guilt, less worry, less responsibility, more sleep, more free time, more disposable income, no awkward conversations about Teen Mom, no forced relationships with people just because your kids like their kids, no chauffeuring other people’s kids in your minivan to soccer games you find less appealing...
Today's Slightly Annoying Observances
1. Bravo is premiering a new show Pregnant in Heels where a woman acts as a concierge for rich pregnant women who want to walk in fashion shows, have their hair and make-up done in the delivery room, and oh yeah pose nude on a horse for a portrait for their husband. Um … how about we call that show Pregnant, Rich, and Motherfuckin’ Retarded. 2. Bra commercials. Specifically, the Bali...
"When The Fairy Tale Ends, Real Life Begins"
I love this concept! Really inspirational.